So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
