If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
