idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
