did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
