Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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