he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I did not marry a roomba.
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