I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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