I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
