I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
