I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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