Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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