It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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