so explain again why im purple
no
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
