Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
