I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
