You can't motorboat a personality
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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