Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
