she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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