Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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