you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
