did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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