I just threw up on my dentist
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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