she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
