so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
