Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
