I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize