Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
