But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
