tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
