allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
