Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
