when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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