I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
