end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cut my penus on the lid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
