After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
