I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
