I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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