He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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