I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
