it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
