I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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