it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
