you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
