Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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