the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
