Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
