What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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