Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
