Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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