i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
