Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
