omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
