Sponge bath it is.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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