textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
