I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
