Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
