And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
