Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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