How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
