I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
tell me about the eggs
Randomize