I just pynch a tree in the face
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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