She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize