I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
