Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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