got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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