I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
