I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
