That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
