I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
