and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
