My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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