I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
