everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My feet surprised me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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