I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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