I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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