OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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