Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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