My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
