$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
