She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
