I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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