Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
tell me about the eggs
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