Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
false alarm. still invincible.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Farmville is her only friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
