I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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