Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
