the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
