wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
